It's not the carefree, reckless abandonment of Joe Francis' "Girls Gone Wild" videos, It's more of Stephen King's "Carrie." Where Carrie White gets pushed too far and seeks destruction to all that has wronged her. Yeah, that's me. Thank the heavens my telekinetic powers are on the fritz or there would be hell to pay.
I fear this past week the juice feast didn't bring out the best in me. Dear readers, I have entered the deliciously, evil, wicked phase of MY* juice feast.
My emotions shift from anger to disgust to sadness. In fact, my days are filled with a whole lot of -ness(es): hatefulness, bitterness, regretfulness, loneliness and if I don't shape up pretty quickly...homelessness.
My husband isn't totally innocent in the events that transpired last week but he doesn't deserve a wife gone wild, either.
I haven't been treating him very sweetly, and for that I'm sorry.
The details aren't as important and to make a very long story short, I am dealing with emotional detox issues and I am doing it without the support of my husband and that stings a lot.
As I write this, we are in a better place than the past week. I write everything in a journal and pick out the highlights for the blog. If I were to write everything I wrote in the journal about how I perceive the situation, it would be very hurtful and embarrassing for my husband and I don't roll like that.
I don't want to hurt him, I just want him to see, I'm hurting.
I know my body well enough to know that I'm experiencing extreme PMS. I just never went through such emotional turmoil in such a way. So it's scary.
After all the drama and the surge of hormones and the experiencing of detoxing, I feel wounded, broken, beaten down, very tired and wary.
I wish I could afford to take some time away to continue my juice feast. A week or two in a more supportive, nurturing environment, I think could do me some good. Clear my head, heal my spirit.
My instincts guide me to work in the soil and place my energy into the earth, but our garden is under a blanket of snow.
But, alas, I am playing with the hand I have been dealt. Heck, I actually chose the cards.
*This might be a good time to guide you to the disclaimer at the bottom on this blog. You may or may not have noticed it before. Take a peek when you get a chance. Also, the experiences I am going through are my own. I don't know if it's typical or not. I don't want to discourage anyone from participating in a juice feast because at the moment I'm a raving maniac. ;)