Tears of a Clown on Day 61 of Terilynn's Juice Feast

photo by stvcr

"But don't let my glad expression

give you the wrong impression.

Really I'm sad. Oh, sadder than sad."

Smokey Robinson & The Miracles

Can someone explain to me how someone who has their head on (semi-)straight but can feel so confused? I don't know.

Today the feast is taking me for a ride. I feel great and confident and sexy and wonderful but something beneath the surface is telling me it's all a facade.

The calm before the storm. Something is lurking and I feel it brewing and it's bringing out my insecurities.

I am a strong black woman with hopes and goals and dreams and I know in my heart that whatever I want in this world I will get.

But whatever is beneath the surface is causing me to doubt myself.
And I can't pinpoint what it is and I don't like the situation at all.

I feel competitive where there's no competition.

I don't feel recognized even though those I adore, adore me

I feel slighted where I do don't need to be.

I feel, I feel, I feel, blah, blah, blah.

I'm kind of over talking about how I feel. I just want to be and stop feeling anything other than good. But that's not really realistic now is it?